Wewwl

CES is a place for companies to announce new products that are in development, everyone knows this. However, what everyone doesn't know is that every so often information is unintentionally leaked and revealed to the masses. This, my dear friends, is one of those cases.

Some of you may be wondering what the significance of this leak is. I am going to tell you, but I must first start from the beginning...

Friday, January 8, 2010 - CES Day Two

I arrived expecting to see another slew of 3D TVs and embarrassing karaoke singers, I couldn’t have been more wrong. I was meandering through the South Hall, when out of nowhere; I could smell a faint scent of bacon. Seeing as how I chose to skip breakfast, I was ecstatic! As I followed my nose past countless numbers of booths, I started to grow weary with fatigue. I staggered through one of the many touch-screen-filled booths filled with middle aged people failing miserably at video games. Just as I was exiting said booth, I looked up and saw a giant screaming monkey. I mustered up all of my remaining energy and yelled, "Woot!" What happened next was all a blur.

I woke up inside a conference room with a plate of bacon lying next to me. Where was I? How did I get here? To my left was a woman in a Woot shirt, I later found out that her name was Amy Harich. Although I had plenty of bacon on my plate, she was still frying more. It looked like there was at least 2 pounds left.

After a few hours of bacon therapy, I was walking again. Amy said it was one of the quickest recoveries she had ever seen. Woot began to teach me their ways; I informed the ignorant passerbys about Woot, I talked to fans about their favorite Woot shirts, I was part of the family. When the crowds finally subsided, Jay Johnson, Scott Lydon and I spent some time shooting the breeze. Scott explained to me how he started working at Woot, we discussed past Woot deals, Jay would casually insert the most eloquent "that's what she said" ever heard.

Time flew by; I walked around the booth a bit to stretch my legs. When I came back, Scott was talking with his fellow writer, Jason Toon. I wasn't sure what they were talking about, but I had a feeling it was something huge. I quickly found my brother amidst the crowded Woot booth. "I need your camera, I have a scoop!" I quickly exclaimed. Camera in hand, I ran back to Scott and Jason. They were holding a Woot monkey...but it was different from other ones...it was white. Jason held the monkey close to his cupped hand; it was glowing in the dark! I brought the viewfinder up to my eye to snap a quick picture, which was my first mistake.

All hell broke loose. Jason tried to shove the camera out of the way, Scott quickly covered his face. The look of disapproval on Jay's face left me not only speechless, but unable to move. Everyone I had grown to know as family had turned their backs on me. Scott tried to take the camera from me, I quickly turned away. As I started to run, I turned back to the Woot booth; my old home. Through my teary eyes I could see blurry figures giving up pursuit on me. "You were my brother, Scott. I loved you!" I screamed towards the blurry figures. The last thing I heard before I left will be etched in my memory forever. My eyes were far too teary to see who was speaking, but I would recognize that voice anywhere. "I haaaate you!" shrieked Scott. Vision blurry, heart broken, I ran until I couldn't run anymore.

Present Day

I have not heard any more news on the new Woot monkey, nor have I spoken with any of the staff. If this turns out to be as true as I think it is, I am looking forward to someday owning this majestic monkey. Moreover, I am looking forward to mending the broken ties with Scott. I may have gotten a legitimate scoop at CES, but it came at a costly price: I lost a brother.